All across America, most certainly here in the south, young women are trying on their carefully curated outfits and embarking on sorority recruitment(aka rush). They have dreams of continuing their glory days from high school or pressing restart, praying to be chosen by one of their perceived ‘best houses’ on campus’ to relaunch a less than stellar high school social life.
Unfortunately, after the first round, many will be on the phone crying to their mothers agonizing over whether to continue after they are left with houses that, after checking Greek Rank, they just can’t see themselves joining. I interrupt my very full life to stop and publish this carefully timed blog post with a confession and some salient free advice.
My first piece of advice, delete Greek Rank from your phone and cache. Now. Really. I’ll wait…. You, too, mom, I see you checking. I did too, when my boys rushed, ridiculously. It is full of spiteful reviews from people who got dropped or rival chapters. It is not a true indicator. The experience with the members that you meet and the chemistry that you have is your best indicator.
I went through rush/recruitment at a small college in the Midwest in the 80’s before transferring to the University of Michigan and finding my sorority home. I ended up as a ‘no bid’ at Hope College and it hurt like nobody’s business. It definitely changed the trajectory of my life – for the better, although I’d have fought you if you tried to tell me that at the time.
In fact, I was so mad that I went and got my ears double pierced. That showed them!! But after my second studs healed, I learned things that I’d like to share with mothers and daughters who are going through recruitment this year and for years to come because the terminology has changed but the lessons remain true.
First, it was my fault that I was a “no bid”. Absolutely! I decided that I had to be in a certain chapter. I suicided the single chapter that I deemed good enough for me. It’s a terrible expression meaning I didn’t attend any other chapters and only put them on my final card. That is always a bad decision. Fullstop. Bad decision.
I don’t care what anyone tells you, fill up your dance card with as many partners as possible each round. You will meet different people in every round and you may meet your future big sister in the philanthropy round when you thought you were going to cut that house after the ice water round (yes those are really a thing). Here’s a secret. If you go all the way through rush, to as many houses as you get invites every time and make it to the very end, with the maximum number of invites, you are nearly guaranteed to get a bid based upon the way quotas work now. Read that again! Now rethink your dropping chapters that invite you back and leaving blanks on your schedule strategy.
Do not let me catch you calling home to your mama crying that the XYZ chapter cut you if you have cut 7 other houses filled with perfectly wonderful young women who were eager to have you back! Most young women going through recruitment WILL be cut by some houses after the first round because they have to get to a manageable number so that they can conduct real conversations with potential new members (PNMs). Sometimes, they have to cut on GPA alone. Sometimes they cut because not enough people spoke with or remember the PNM. Do not take getting cut personally. It likely is anything but personal.
As for the candidates, please STAY WITH IT. Often, the chapters that you cut, keep asking you back. Lucky you! Sorority membership is about so much more than how cute you look on Insta but even if that is a big consideration, I can assure you that sorority membership, especially in the South and Midwest, is on fire which is why the numbers are so tough! The worst chapter (whatever that means) at any SEC/ACC/B1G school is full of GORGEOUS girls to pose with on Insta.
And when you are done with that silly requirement of modern life, there are still great, gorgous women of amazing accomplishment and substance to study with, run to the corner store with, go on spring break trips with, go through the highs and lows of college and then go through LIFE with. Do not miss it if you can help it.
Most sororities or women’s fraternities were founded by feminists looking for equal access to the opportunities afforded men in their fraternal organizations on campuses in the late 1800’s. Women’s fraternal organizations are about SO much more than Instagram and parties. Our values run deep, we invest millions in developing young women and training on campus safety, mental health and hazing awareness. We also raise millions and millions of dollars for philanthropy annually. We are worth fighting through rejection to join. All of us!
Still, there are not enough spots for all the PNMs who want to be in the ‘perceived’ tippy top chapters at every school. If I were going through recruitment now (and I thank God that I am not) I’d rush every single chapter hard. I’d be Holly Happy with everyone. I’d be the gosh darn Zig Ziegler of selling myself to every chapter that I walked in the door, no matter what Greek Rank says. If you are shy, become a faux extrovert for rush ASAP. Fake it til you make it, my wanna be sister.
Next, do NOT drop out after the primary rounds. Many, many young women now join Greek life through continuous open bidding (COB). This happens after rush is closed through the remainder of the year when initial pledges drop for grades, finances or just find that sorority life is not for them. Our beautiful sorority houses are not cheap and we need to stay full, so the members are constantly rushing and offering quiet bids and snap bids to potential new members that they met along the way. Meet as many members as you can EVERY round and keep rushing the chapters that you loved. You are not going to get into a sorority in your dorm room crying, this I guarantee.
Keep your heart and your mind open. I know that you think you know what you want, but you probably don’t know all the options. Let the system work for you. Keep rushing and meeting members. Keep smiling even though your feet and your heart hurt. Be yourself so that you really do end up with a great match. Everyone can smell inauthentic. Let them love the real you and choose the real you.
After being a no bid at Hope College, I transferred to Michigan and went through rush with the most open mind and heart anyone ever had. I was going to be in a sorority, any sorority that would have me. I had learned my lesson. The sorority I joined wasn’t at the very top of the social hill when our pledge class joined but it was solid and well thought of by all. I didn’t know that or care. It was MY dream house. By the time our pledge class graduated, we were the first house to fill our bid list every year. It is fun to build and grow your chapter.
I moved into my dream sorority mansion and was slated to be president by my uber supportive sisters in year one of living in the house. Then I was elected Panhellenic President for the entire sorority system at the University of Michigan. We added two more sororities and 200+ more spots in the next 18 months to reduce the number of no bids. I had a soft spot for “no bids” and was on a mission. I missed an opportunity at Hope College, but I’m going to say they might have missed something too in not selecting yours truly. But I prefer this ending by far, in hindsight.
The opportunity to thrive in a a smaller group of supportive, same gender, like-hearted women within a larger, more diverse campus is priceless. But, so are the lifetime bonds that are developed. Likewise is the national network that supplements your university network for the rest of your career. As much as you think you want to be in a sorority now for the social aspect, you will appreciate it even more later, for its lifetime value as you move to new cities, join new companies and have instant sisters and friends wherever you go.
In 10 days, a bunch of my pledge sisters are traveling across the country to spend time together at our lake house after connecting recently in Houston for Michigan’s National Championship (I love that I got to work that in, Go Blue!). Sorority membership is truly for a lifetime. It’s worth considering sorority B over sorority G.
It’s also worth an extra year living in the mansion versus an apartment to not give up active membership. In fact, I would be so bold to say that if you know you won’t meet a chapter’s ‘live in” requirements for your time on campus, don’t consider that house during recruitment, leave that spot for a young woman that is committed to a lifetime of membership and choose a chapter who’s requirements that you can meet. If you are planning on dectivating during your college years, you don’t get it, yet. I hope you change your mind, or leave your spot in the new member class for someone in it for a lifetime. Behind my faith, family and friends (just barely behind), is my love for my fraternity and it is through to the Omega Chapter.
I’m Chi O born and I’m Chi O bred and when I die, I’ll be Chi Omega dead….. as some song I learned a long time ago went.
But here’s another confession. My other final round house was Alpha Delta Pi. One of my dearest friends in Atlanta, Shari Martin, was an ADPi at Michigan a year behind me and I know so many great ADPi’s like Rae Ann Gruver. I know that if my bid card had been baby blue and white with Alpha Delta Pi on it, I’d probably be writing this same column with different letters extolling the same virtues. Find a chapter and make it yours!
Don’t miss out on this if you can possibly help it, even if the letters aren’t exactly what you were daydreaming of, the colors are a little different and the address is down the street. In hindsight, if you really give it your all, I promise you will say that you ended up exactly where you were meant to be. XO – Maggie